I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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