dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize