I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
