you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
