She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
