idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize