He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
