chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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