Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize