MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
