It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize