There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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