____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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