if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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