So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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