I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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