Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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