Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
