I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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