I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
