Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
