I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
