oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
