Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
