i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
