"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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