I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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