I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
