I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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