I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
