im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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