so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Drunk is a universal language darling
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
