so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
