I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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