I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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