I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
