I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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