Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
