We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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