There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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