brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
