Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
