Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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