Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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