chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
