why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
barbara walters just said penis...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
