According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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