i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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