FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
