I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
