Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
