do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
