Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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