apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
