a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
