none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
