I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
