Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just pynch a tree in the face
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
