Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
