sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize