I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize