I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
