and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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