I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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