her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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