Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
